Joint

Adding insult to injury, my husband, M, and I decided to open a joint checking account. This is a necessity that makes me horribly uncomfortable. Considering that I make no money anymore, and that I don't have a trust fund, there's really no reason for me to have a bank account of my own. Especially when I'm charged $5.50 a month, just because I don't have direct deposit anymore. Really, shouldn't the fact that I'm making no transactions at all count for something? Surely, I am saving them the $5.50. But I digress.

Sharing an account with someone else scares me to death. I shared one in a previous relationship and it was THE worst mistake I've ever made. I vowed that I would never, ever do that again. Now, I know that my husband is not the other guy (who was very particular about his money). However, I have lost some autonomy. And although I'm not doing anything weird or secretive, I kind of feel like I no longer have any privacy. Even though he does not ask, I now feel as though I have to justify every dollar that I spend. M is, in fact, quite reassuring about getting things I need and doing things that I want to do.

Also, on a superficial note, being frugal isn't coming as easy to me as it used to. I really had become quite accustomed to, and fond of, my income. I was never a big spender, but I liked to treat myself to a good massage, a pair of shoes, or a fun, new gadget now and then. I also liked to pick up the tab for dinner at least one night a week (ever see that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm?).

My main psychological obstacle is that I can't help but think of it as M's money. I know, as a married couple what's yours is his and vice versa. I also know that I am providing a valuable service by staying at home with our kid. And that I'm "saving" us $1,000 to $1,500 a month. But neither the savings nor the actual job of hanging out with an infant all day translate into any actual cash.

Furthermore, the loss of my salary does make a difference, not only to me, but to our perceived stability. You see, my husband works at home as a freelancer. This is not some sort of sob-story here - he does okay - but the income is not steady. Thankfully, he's in a union that provides excellent healthcare for all of us, so we didn't need my job for that. And he makes more than I ever did (or could, in my chosen profession) so we did not rely on my income. But, to lenders, and our psyches, having that salary offered some peace of mind.

I know that, all in all, we are in an okay position right now. If things started to go bad, I could possibly even get my old job back and we could make things work. But just how do so many folks deal with this struggle? There is no support for mothers, working or stay-at-home. Our supposed "pro-family" government really does not give a damn about families, on so many levels.

I do wish we a had a system like so many European countries where stay at home mothers receive a monthly stipend. I really do need a fantastic new jacket for fall...